You Might Wish You Were Me, But I Would Love to Be You

I saw you from across the park this morning. You had a preschooler and a toddler running all over the playground, and you were holding an infant in your arms as you watched them. You were dressed in sweats, and your hair was in a messy bun. You looked so tired, and so beautiful too.

We made eye contact across the playground, and you smiled at me. Then your toddler fell off the swing, and you had to rush over to help him. We made eye contact a few more times as I walked laps along the park path, and the envy in your eyes was painfully obvious. You might have thought that I was a childless woman enjoying a morning walk in the park. You might have thought my kids were grown and my baby days happily behind me. I know I certainly looked the part, with my well-rested eyes, my makeup and hair done, and my clean dress. For at least a moment, you wished you were me.

In reality, I have more in common with you than you think. I haven’t had three children, but I do know what it’s like to chase after a toddler and a preschooler. My eyes might be clear and my clothes might be clean now, but I’ve had my fair share of sleepless nights, colicky babies, and spit-up stains. But my two children are older now, and my chances of having a third are slim.

You might wish you were me, but I would love to be you. I would love to be pregnant again, knowing that I held the newest member of our family within me. I would love to cradle a newborn in my arms as I watch my preschooler and kindergartner play on the playground. I would love to see my son and daughter fawn over their new baby sibling. I wouldn’t even mind suffering another year of sleepless nights, spit-up stains, and tired arms, if it only meant the chance to cradle another child in my arms.

You might have been jealous of me, but I was probably a bit more jealous of you. You might wish you looked more put together, that you had more time to wash your hair and do your makeup. You might wish that you could wear nice clothes without worrying about spit-up stains. I’m sure you wish you could have a full night’s sleep. I know I wished for all those things when my children were little, and now I have them. But when you suffer from infertility, you realize that having those things isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be (though getting a full night’s sleep truly is heavenly). You’re willing to temporarily trade all of those things (since we’ve already learned that these things do in fact come to an end) to have another baby in our arms.

I saw you from across the park this morning. I looked into your eyes, and I saw just a hint of envy. But what did you see in mine? Did you see my envy? Did you see how badly I want another baby of my own? Or did you just see what I want the world to see- a woman perfectly content with her lot in life, a mother who is happy to have just two children? But do you want to know the truth? You might wish you were me, but I would love to be you.

Book Review for “Behold the Handmaid of the Lord” by Fr. Edward Looney

I first came across St. Louis de Montfort’s “True Devotion to Mary” when I was in high school. I successfully completed the consecration for the first time about a decade later. In those ten years, I probably attempted the consecration … Continue reading

I Plan to Let My Christian Kids Read Harry Potter (With Me)

I grew up loving Harry Potter. Nearly twenty years later, I still do. I own all the books, have seen every movie more than once. I have a favorite character (Remus Lupin), a favorite type of magical creature (Hungarian Horntail- that’s a type of dragon for those who aren’t as big a nerd as I am), a favorite book (Prisoner of Azkaban). I know what house I would be in (Hufflepuff), what kind of animal I would bring (a snowy owl), and what position I would play on the Quidditch team (Chaser). To say that I am a fan of Harry Potter would be an understatement. I LOVE Harry Potter.

When I was thirteen, I put together a notebook filled with all the spells from the books. I knew all their names, how to perform each spell, what they would do. I had a stuffed snowy owl that I kept on my bed. I had a wand that I had won at our local library’s summer reading program. If I hadn’t been trying to appear normal, I probably would have worn Hogwarts school robes to dress down days at school. I was borderline obsessed with Harry Potter.

I didn’t realize that Harry Potter was controversial among Christian families until I was much older. I didn’t know that some families forbade their children from reading Harry Potter because of its use of witchcraft, or that some Christians believed that people who read Harry Potter were going to hell. I didn’t realize that many Christians thought that Harry Potter was a bad influence on children. By the time I learned all that, I had already read every book and was halfway through seeing all the movies. At that point, I was already very deep in the world of Harry Potter.

Even as I began to take my faith more seriously, I never thought that it was in conflict with my love of Harry Potter. I just thought that I was a Christian who really liked Harry Potter. I admired the books for their tales of friendship, love, and sacrifice. I also loved the fact that the world of Harry Potter included dragons, magic, and flying broomsticks. I didn’t see any reason why I couldn’t love the Harry Potter series and Jesus Christ (though not in the same way, obviously).

Now that I’m a mother myself, my opinion of Harry Potter has become a bit more nuanced. Now, don’t get me wrong- I still love the books and movies. I actually just finished rereading and re-watching the series for probably the fourth time a few months back. I still hope to one day share my love of all things Harry Potter with my children. I just don’t think they’ll be twelve when they start, like I was. Young minds are easily molded, and despite the wonderful lessons regarding love and sacrifice taught by the Harry Potter series, it also includes lessons that I don’t want my kids to learn- like dabbling in magic. The Harry Potter series is innocent enough, but it can still serve as a gateway to other, darker practices- like real-life witchcraft and occult practices. I might be able to tell the difference as a thirty-year-old, but a twelve year old might not.

I also don’t plan on letting my kids read the books on their own. I plan to experience the world of Harry Potter with them. We will read the books and watch the movies together. And we will talk about them as we do it. We will talk about the beauty of the friendship of Harry, Ron, and Hermione, and the love of Harry and Ginny, and the sacrifice of Lilly Potter for her son. We will talk about the teen challenges that the characters face- the dangers of peer pressure and the overwhelming need to fit in, the struggle of coping with teenage hormones, the difficulties of dealing with a teacher who just doesn’t like you. And we will also talk about the dangers of real witchcraft and magic, and why there are some things that we are just not meant to dabble in.

Obviously, I don’t think all Harry Potter fans are going to hell. I don’t think the books and movies are evil. But I do think they can be dangerous if we let our kids explore Harry Potter’s world of witchcraft and wizardry alone. They need guidance. And that’s why I plan to let my Christian kids read Harry Potter with me.