If you’ve ever watched Dancing with the Stars, you’ve gotten a glimpse of parenting with a spouse. Sometimes you feel like the professional dancer with the slick moves. Other times, you are the awkward C-list celebrity just hoping to get votes based on likability. Learning to parent together is a lot like learning to partner dance. At first, there’s a lot of stepping on toes, fumbling for proper handholds, and forgetting who is supposed to lead. Oh yeah—and there is a tiny judge who is more critical than all the reality show judges combined.

After lots of practice and plenty of missteps, my husband and I can dance the two-parent tango with a bit of grace. Of course, with every new parenting stage, we feel like we both have two left feet. But here are 4 ways to dance through any stage of parenting.